OMG! added to my story more. pla tell me. critism neede.d thx y'all?

I read the first part the first time you posted it, but can;t remember if I commented or not. I didn't read all of the new additions, but I skimmed. The plot so far seems a tad unoriginal and the conversation seems unnatural to me, like it doesn't sound like what would really be said in that situation. I think maybe using more advanced vocabulary and making some minor adjustments to the conversation pieces would improve it quite a bit. I liked the line "Go Home" somewhere near the middle I think because it seemed direct and honest and I just liked how it fit. Good luck writing!